Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
