I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
