yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Randomize
