He uses pillows to masturbate.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
