I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
