Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
