Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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