Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
