Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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