I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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