I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
