I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
