im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
