you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
