Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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