Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
