She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
