He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
