grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
