What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
