you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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