Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
