Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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