He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
