Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize