The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
