why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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