My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
