I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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