Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
