i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
