You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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