"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
