No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize