I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
that may or may not have been my penis.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
