I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
