one might say we're banned from that church
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
