i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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