College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize