I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
