I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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