What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
