I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
