We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
