dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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