He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
