Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
