I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just blew my weed a kiss
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
