i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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