I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
