yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
