I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
