Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
