i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
