what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
