Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
