You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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