I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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