like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think my fart just growled at me.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
