my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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