did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
