I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
