Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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