Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
