No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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