break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize