I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize