I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
