Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
