Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
