i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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