so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
