the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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