so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
