you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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