They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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