After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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