My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
