Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
