i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
