I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
