And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize