Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
