I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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