her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
