I hate all girls vehemently.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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