Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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