i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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